"A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers" African Proverb
When a man and a woman decide to get married, they bring their respective families together. There are too many people who have an incorrect perception of lobola so here is a definition from a primary source: Lobola is a process where two families coming together in a series of meetings, discuss, among other important topics, the kind of wedding the bride and groom want to have. Both families suss each other out to see what kind of family their child is marrying into. If the couple is just starting out in their careers, this is also considered. If one or both of them are of royalty, some protocols are negotiated. The lobola money paid by the groom and his family is used as a contribution into the costs of the wedding events to take place.
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| Zulu bride marries her Jamaican man |
Once the lobola negotiations are complete, a function may be organised to give thanks to the finalisation. This would be a small function involving mainly the family negotiators and direct family members. Chamber African traditional music accompanies this function to create a serene atmosphere during a day that may have been incredibly tense. For this kind of performance, there is no need for a public announcement system or any major amplification.
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| Instruments used in the performance may accompany singing |
There may be two major functions that are then organised to celebrate the union with extended family and friends. In Nguni cultural groups and most modern South African weddings, there is a function called "an African wedding" that takes place for one full day. Vocal ensembles are organised to teach the family cultural wedding songs if the family does not know them and the group sings with them if the family is sophisticated or is shy to sing out in public. When the bride arrives at the groom's home with her entourage, a singing competition happens between both families that display the pride in their cultures. The gates remain closed and only opened once they have exhausted the competition and the groom's family is ready to let the bride in. The slaughtering of a goat is another important activity that takes place. Some families would prefer slaughtering the goat a day before. Others do it on the day of the African wedding. Some would slaughter a lamb and others, a cow. Whether this is done symbolically or literally is determined by the preferences of the families during the lobola negotiations.
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| A Pedi singing ensemble |
Once they have opened the gates for the bride's family, they may have imbongi (praise poet) to perform izithakazelo or family praises of one or both of the families. This is optional but when practiced, it is a beautiful experience!
When imbongi has introduced both families in a royal manner, some would go on to do umembeso where the bride's family gives the groom's family gifts such as clothes and blankets. The bride's family may even buy the love birds a bed, furniture and a kist that would symbolise the new partnership and the intention to stay married till death do they part.
Once both families have advised the bride and groom as to how to conduct themselves in marriage, there is a feast while a DJ plays the kind of music that sets the tone for another spectacular African traditional performance.
On another day, perhaps the following day, a "white wedding" takes place. This applies to those South Africans who are Christians. A "white wedding" is a Christian wedding characterised by a church sermon involving a pastor or priest and the bride in a white gown. The attire for this occasion is usually formal and western for all attendants. Some people have the energy to have these two events on one weekend. Others prefer spacing them out.
A DJ may be ideal for the white wedding if one has limited financial resources. Those who can afford to book a band may do so and get a warm personalised performance with amazing renditions of popular songs. Once the church service is done, many still need a DJ to play the best selection of music between speeches for the guests and for as long as requested after speeches!
